托福独立写作满分范文解析

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托福独立写作满分范文解析

时间:2021-09-05 14:07:43 阅读:275
很多小伙伴应该都在老师那儿听到过这样一句话:托福独立写作是academic writing,是很正式的,大家不要把口语词汇用到写作上来~之前我也有类似的看法,我会鼓励大家尽量多用正式语言,但是如果能恰当使用informal language,也没有大问题。今天就借用一篇官方满分范文,看看informal语言也能写出精彩的文章。

题目:

Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better? 

Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Independence! Who doesn't want independece?【非常有特色的开篇,感叹+反问】But the bigger question is how much of an independence is being discussed here? Generally, when teenagers grow up, their needs and habit of living change. Some would like their parents to be in control of the major decisions of their lives, while on the other hand, some would not like their parents to be involved in any sort of decision making process of their lives. In my opinion, the young adults should always consult their parents as their guides. I will try to demonstrate my point in the following paragraphs.

Let's assume a teenager grows up into a young adult. Now a major decision that he/she might have had to make was to what college/university they were going to attend. If we assume that the person seek complete independence from the early age, then they are generally going to make the decision themselves. But even if they made this desicion by themself, what is the probability that this is the best desicion. We all would agree that the best lesson learned is from a mistake, but why even let that happen? This is the most important decision they would have to make so far, and if they don't ask around, if they don't look at the wider picture, how are they supposed to end up at their very best opportunity? This, is  what is known as a making/breaking point because this decision of theirs can make or break a very powerful potential future.

 

Now, suppose they passed the first make/break point. Then comes another one when they are going to marry. Normally, in the western culture, the man and the woman choose their marriage partners themselves, so this is not much of an important issue here. But, what about the cultures that predominantly have arranged marriages? In that case, choosing a husband or a wife could be a huge decision, because generally the marriages are not as easily broken as in the western culture. So, when it comes to this point, one would definately want to know their parents thinking and their previous experiance. This could come in very handy when one has a choice to make.

【两个主体段以“假设+论证”的形式展开,再结合“反问”,“在关键时刻(比如选择大学和结婚)要请教父母”的道理娓娓道来。】
 
To sum it up, it is very good idea to ask for parents guides, and is never a bad a idea to give up a part of independence for a better future.

下面是考官点评:

This essay has a rather informal, conversational tone and an argument that is coherently and fully developed. Sentence structure is varied throughout, and the writer consistently demonstrates command of language and English idioms, especially by using various informal expressions (Let's assume," We all would agree," can make or break," come in very handy"). The essay meets all the criteria for a score of 5.

写在后面的话

这篇文章的思维非常成熟,作者对自己的观点——年轻人还是要请教长辈很自信,论证行云流水,全篇没有一个地方会让人产生疑惑,实属满分作文中的佳作。作为同学作文的第一个读者,我其实能感受到TA在作文时是绞尽脑汁、痛苦不堪,还是文思泉涌、胸有成竹,因为文字可以传递情绪。前几天在看On Writing Well,作者说写作一定要take it easy和have confidence。对此,我深有体会,心态放宽些,写出来的文字甚至会有一丝丝灵气,也有一两句妙语;心态紧绷,不仅思路受阻,拼写也不流畅,诸事不顺。写作的本质就是在表达自己,想什么就写什么,怎么想就怎么写。无论正式与否,语言只是观点的载体,真正决定写作质量的是你的思维。
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